Since I've returned

I've been in isolation for a while. Keeping to myself busy and staying away from ppl, socialization, basically my life. It usually a time when I get to reflect on all that going on uninterrupted. So, I'm back into things now and I love the fact that I have friends that are so understanding and can jus leave me that hell alone and not be needy. I spoke with 2 of my friends tonite and emailed another and its these nonjudgemental moments that allows me to sit back and appreciate them. Like one of my guy friends is a total mess, always has drama or something negative going on and uses me sometimes to filter some of it out. When that happens I feel down and have a headache b/c I just been drained with all of the bullshit he jus feed me. Anyway, I called him just to check up b/c its been awhile and since he was at work we couldn't talk long and avoid hearing to much of the drama. Surprisingly do drama. Boy it was really nice to have a drama free few minutes with him. He would never know it but I found that so attractive in the few mins we spoke because it raised an unrealistic thought of "what if" he changed. If he was more like that and responsible he would definitely be more of a catch to me. Whatever, that is not the point. I'm jus glad I have ppl in my life that welcomes be back into it.

I've been contemplating on whether to take a day and treat myself to pampering. I usually don't professionally because I know I would grow to accustomed to it and in the long run it was be very costly to maintain. I think my decision is leaning towards not going.
I've been back and forth.
I decide no, not to go then I deserve it go.
Now not a good time and yes go for it.
Very indecisive behavior....I know. I'm torn and need to make a decision if I'm going to get an appt for next week. I would say I should treat myself to something to eat, but I have done to much of that. Way to much. I don't understand when I'm not trying to lose weight I drop 6 or 7 pounds and now that I'm putting effort I can't budge right now. I always wonder if I joined like Jenny Craig to lose some stubborn pounds would fat ppl like hate me and say I don't belong. I shouldn't say fat ppl, but fuck them...how the hell would they be able to tell me that I don't belong. Who said that Jenny Craig, Weight watcher and all of those other diet plans places are only for the obviously fat. That's discrimination, they can't do that...LOL. I have to laugh b/c I'm being very foolish right now. Where are the diet plans, make over, tips and shows for the petite women that want to get into better shape and lose noticeable a 5 to 10 pounds. There are to many double standards in the world. I'm so tried of the ppl that lose the 5 to 10 pounds that I'm working my ass of to lose (sometimes) in like a day. You've heard of them they weigh like 235 and drop 10 pd off the back. That pisses me off!!! On one hand I'm like great your losing weight and I'm happy for your. Here I am weighing 1/2 of that and can't lose anything.
Then to make matter worse, the sweet be calling me. Sweets in my addiction. I was watching Oprah and her porn addicted having a hard time kick. MAn O mAn if I had to give up sweet. I would not be very happy. I've already been told that all the women in my family started off small like me and blow up. Now I'm definitely trying to avoid that, but what if i had to give up my sweet to maintain my body. I don't want to think about it. I would be upset. In a effort to cut back on my addiction to sweets I will definitely consider giving it up for Lent next yr. Meat is not an obstacle for me anymore and need a challenge. Sweet just may be it.
they be CALL'EN Me>>>.

when things stand out

so much to say so little time. I always wonder what I really think about ppl. I don't know if its that I don't like or tolerate when ppl take stabbs at ppl I know and I defend them. Maybe its b/c their not there to defend themselves. Very detailed I know! I'll be back to this......I said that I was going to talk about when the phrase "you make my mouth water" was said to me..lol Maybe writing about this will wake me up. Even though this was said to me by a guy that I wouldn't talk to, the comment has stayed with me all this time...since like March. I felt it had animalistic quality to it or maybe I just felt that kind of energy from him and liked it. Yeah, that did it - back to the previous....I alway feel that I have to defend ppl when their being attacked verbally. The comment could be true and I may not even care that much for the person, but I alway start to think who the hell are you for saying that and begin their defense.

Munchies

I'm missing funk food right now. I like McDonald's fries and cheese burgers. I was the girl that got the #2 all the time. I still do but I like Wendy's' frost'e and bacon cheeseburgers. I was watching a Wendy's commercial for their bacon mushroom melt and it made my mouth water. Thinking about right now makes me what to go a get one. I haven't had any junk food like that in almost 2 yr. I have not been purposely staying away or anything. I just have not craved for it. It funny but when I did get junk food more regularly, I use to travel to get all my favorites. I would go to:

Burger King and get there Apple Pies (the best)
McDonald and get there #2 meal
Wendy's and get there Frost'e
Those were my fav spots. Thinking of it, I still eat burgers but now there home burgers or this bar that makes the best monster burgers with curly fries....YES!...call it heaven with the works and all. I think I prefer to eat their then the chains. I'm starting to lean more to this explanation. Then again I use to eat like that when I was a kid and my body doesn't maintain its shape as easy now a days. I use to eat bacon cheeseburgers or steak and cheese with fries and strawberry kiwi snapples every Friday from a local pizzeria. Maybe I just need a weekend to relive my childhood days of unhealthy eating...I MISS YOU!

On other news I wrote earlier the phrase makes my mouth water. I remember when this guy said that to me....it made me laugh so hard, but since it was someone I knew, I took it as a complete (sometimes you take whacha get) - ....to be continued...

How did you know!

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination.You were born to be a doctor.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatadvanceddegreeshouldyougetquiz/">What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

This is exactly what i want to do with my life.....MD in psychiatry....I am a believer that its never to late and that's what I'm working on achieving. Time will tell how true this oracle of a test really is. For the skeptical ppl, I know, I know, of course their going to tell me something I want to hear and they are going to promote something great, but I must admit they hit the nail on the head with that one.

I have more to say, but other things to do....a friend asked me a question that was asked to a tennis pro: What would ppl be surprised to learn about you?.....So ppl would be surprised to know that I "...blah blah blah.." I thought it was a good question and I plan to use it as one of my icebreakers for my clients in class.

blah blah blah: I said, it was a pair of old beatup pair of sneaker that I've had for over 10 years. They are my favorite pair I wear them in and out the house and I don't care how they look. They are comfortable! I love them and until the soles fall off I will continue to wear them. Love Them!!!

Election & Labelle

Hello there....sounds like I'm writing a letter. Anywooo, I voted today and hope everyone else did also. One thing that I will be glad to see go is all of the campaigning ads on tv. I have grown very tired of them. The conversations that I had with my father about this was definitely memorable. Politics is not a usual topic of yours, but it came up since the elections was around the corner at the time. So we're debating back and forth about how we are going to vote for mayor and the issue that are important to us. The conversation ended when I laughed out loud to his reply of "I'm tired of voting for loser". I had no comeback for that. It is true indeed that someones gotta lose, but if we all vote for the right person that makes our choice easier. The next best question is Who is the right person. When we put our selfish needs aside and think of a better life for all maybe the decision isn't that had. Let the best candidate win!

While in type, I'm watch my lady Patti and that woman still got a couple of notes in her tune box. As I'm watching the show, I remember all of her songs and how good they made me feel to hear them again. There are not many around that just lifts you up when you hear them sing. I don't want to preach, but it sounds like she is touching my soul. I wish the show was an hour of her singing her own damn songs because these new artist can't hold a note in comparison to her. How do they pick who will perform her songs...I thought the idea of the show was to tribute her career, but some of them sound more like a disgrace. Anyway..go ahead Patti for still looking so damn good at 61 and I was feeling the mink shawl over that dress - very nice.

Checkmate

So a funny thing happened Sunday. I attended a Sweet 16 dinner for my cousin. I thought it was Saturday and I didn't really feel like going, I love you dearly Birthday Girl, but I didn't feel like going. So when Sunday rolled around I thought I was off the hook, until my mother (her godmother) called and reminder me. Thank MA!...At this point, I was truly unprepared. I didn't have a gift or know what I was going to wear. Luckily my hair was done from the night before so that was taken care of and I had about 3 hours to get ready and buy a gift. Being the intelligent woman that I am, I decided it would be a good idea for me to get ready then go and buy her gift. So I'm driving to the Mall having already decided on getting her a clear lip gloss from MAC cosmetics. I would of preferred to get her a lip gloss from Bobby Brown cosmetics but time was of essence and I could not make the trip to Neimans. I thought being that the Birthday Girl is a teenager and into name brands, she would at least heard of MAC.

Anywho...the juice. I go to the closest Macys to me and I walk into the store to search for the MAC counter. So I'm looking at signs to direct myself to the Cosmetics Dept. I find it and the 1st person I see is this girl I use to work with at my previous job standing in front of one of the sale counters. I see her out of the corner of my eye, seeing me and turning to face the counter. I think beside her face her body would be the second give away to her identity. She has a very peculiar shape. She would be described as one of those women that has a slim waist but huge, gigantic hips. They truly mess up her shape and make her appear bigger then she really is. She was wearing black slacks and a blue button down shirt and this tells me that she works here. This was probably why she didn't want me to know it was her.

Background info on black slacks and blue shirt (BsBs)
Well, when I 1st started working in my dept at CV, she was the only person in my age group that was working there. Now she was holding done the fort before I started there and I guess she felt that she was doing a good job by herself. I can respect that and I could understand her being somewhat stand offish. I was also black, also intelligent, and also attractive, in short I was competition. Her position was never in jeopardy and as friendly as I tried to come off, I was seen as the enemy.
In a situation like that I didn't try to win, luckily I worked out of another dept and made friends over there so I didn't worry about her so much. I was professional and even tho at times I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, I didn't and did what I had to do. When I left I didn't feel the need to pretend that we were good friends and trade contact information as if we were going to stay in touch. I left a envelope with some materials I had for hers in her mailbox and that was my goodbye. I could of throw them away when I was cleaning out my office, but decide that wouldn't be right even after all the games she tired to play.

----------------------------->Fastforwarding back to MACYS---------------------------->

So she is a Macys girl. Not that is a bad thing, but being that she was at a job making more money then that even tho she didn't have a degree, Macys' is kind of a step backwards. So I walk up to her and tap her on the shoulder.
"HEY BsBs"...I thought that was you, didn't you see me?
Hey girl, how are you doin, how are things going?
"Oh, things are great".....I have good job and making more money then when I worked at CV
oh really, that is good to hear.
"Thank you"....so what have you been up to and how is your son? Are you still engaged and going out clubin all the time?
oh my son is doing good and I am still engaged and planning my wedding.
"Okay, well it was nice seeing you".....By the way, can you tell me where the MAC cosmetics counter is located. THANKS! bye! :)

That was sooooo bitter sweet...if it happened that way. I wish! I am way to humble for that. When I realized she turned around to avoid me I didn't want to embarrass her any further, so I walked pass her and asked another sales lady where the MAC counter was located. I brought my purchases and slightly glanced in her direction when I was walking out to see if she was still there. The only enjoyment I got from that whole thing was getting an opportunity to call a friend of mine who also use to work there to find out the scope on when and why BsBs stop working there. Which I still have yet to find out.

Damn, I wonder what frame of mind I would of been in to go through with approaching her like that. I term it as my "I don't give a fukk right now" frame of mind. Its the point when I don't want to be pleasant and polite and want to vent. I still don't think I could of acted out the plot I wrote above, simply because it would of been demeaning, but if the shoe was on the other foot I don't expect the same. She is lucky I'm who I AM, BUT.... that would of been real devious of me if I did do that.
I would of definitely errand my demon points that day...lol PURE E-VIL!!!! I guess the moral of the story is not to take ppl's kindness for weakness, you never know what situation you could kind yourself in or the fire someone can lay into you when you are already low. BsBs I say checkmate!