Since I've returned

I've been in isolation for a while. Keeping to myself busy and staying away from ppl, socialization, basically my life. It usually a time when I get to reflect on all that going on uninterrupted. So, I'm back into things now and I love the fact that I have friends that are so understanding and can jus leave me that hell alone and not be needy. I spoke with 2 of my friends tonite and emailed another and its these nonjudgemental moments that allows me to sit back and appreciate them. Like one of my guy friends is a total mess, always has drama or something negative going on and uses me sometimes to filter some of it out. When that happens I feel down and have a headache b/c I just been drained with all of the bullshit he jus feed me. Anyway, I called him just to check up b/c its been awhile and since he was at work we couldn't talk long and avoid hearing to much of the drama. Surprisingly do drama. Boy it was really nice to have a drama free few minutes with him. He would never know it but I found that so attractive in the few mins we spoke because it raised an unrealistic thought of "what if" he changed. If he was more like that and responsible he would definitely be more of a catch to me. Whatever, that is not the point. I'm jus glad I have ppl in my life that welcomes be back into it.

I've been contemplating on whether to take a day and treat myself to pampering. I usually don't professionally because I know I would grow to accustomed to it and in the long run it was be very costly to maintain. I think my decision is leaning towards not going.
I've been back and forth.
I decide no, not to go then I deserve it go.
Now not a good time and yes go for it.
Very indecisive behavior....I know. I'm torn and need to make a decision if I'm going to get an appt for next week. I would say I should treat myself to something to eat, but I have done to much of that. Way to much. I don't understand when I'm not trying to lose weight I drop 6 or 7 pounds and now that I'm putting effort I can't budge right now. I always wonder if I joined like Jenny Craig to lose some stubborn pounds would fat ppl like hate me and say I don't belong. I shouldn't say fat ppl, but fuck them...how the hell would they be able to tell me that I don't belong. Who said that Jenny Craig, Weight watcher and all of those other diet plans places are only for the obviously fat. That's discrimination, they can't do that...LOL. I have to laugh b/c I'm being very foolish right now. Where are the diet plans, make over, tips and shows for the petite women that want to get into better shape and lose noticeable a 5 to 10 pounds. There are to many double standards in the world. I'm so tried of the ppl that lose the 5 to 10 pounds that I'm working my ass of to lose (sometimes) in like a day. You've heard of them they weigh like 235 and drop 10 pd off the back. That pisses me off!!! On one hand I'm like great your losing weight and I'm happy for your. Here I am weighing 1/2 of that and can't lose anything.
Then to make matter worse, the sweet be calling me. Sweets in my addiction. I was watching Oprah and her porn addicted having a hard time kick. MAn O mAn if I had to give up sweet. I would not be very happy. I've already been told that all the women in my family started off small like me and blow up. Now I'm definitely trying to avoid that, but what if i had to give up my sweet to maintain my body. I don't want to think about it. I would be upset. In a effort to cut back on my addiction to sweets I will definitely consider giving it up for Lent next yr. Meat is not an obstacle for me anymore and need a challenge. Sweet just may be it.
they be CALL'EN Me>>>.